Cowboys. The next big thing.

March 26, 2015

Cowboy rockin' a selfie stick. Image from The Berry.
Okay, time for a little silliness.

April 10 is the release date for The Longest Ride, the new movie starring Scott Eastwood (whom we've already discussed here on this website, with much affection) based on Nicholas Sparks' novel of the same name.  The protagonist is a high-cheekboned professional bull rider with a golden tan and a remarkable resemblance to Dirty Harry.



The movie was being promoted way back at PBR Finals in Las Vegas last year.  They played the trailer in the arena and Eastwood himself was assisting riders in the chutes.  I was there and let me just say, women lost their minds over this guy.  Grannies and tweens and buckle bunnies alike. Screams and woo-woo's and hubba-hubba's whenever he appeared on the Jumbotron.

To be fair, Eastwood does look like this.

Scott Eastwood. Image from contactmusic.com.
So all this got me thinking.  The female audience at PBR is already hip to the charms of the American cowboy.  The women were there to see tough, wiry mofos like J.B. Mauney and Silvano Alves ride wild beef to glory.  To these women, bull riders are rock stars and cowboys are hot.

But what about women from the general population who don't know about cowboys?  Will they find Eastwood's cowboy character as compelling and attractive?

Time for some highly unscientific conjecture.

Let's say that the average straight American woman doesn't give much thought to cowboys. To her, cowboys are an abstract idea, like the Marlboro Man or one of the Village People or Woody from Toy Story.  A caricature. She's an urbanite or a suburbanite.  She doesn't listen to country music.  Cowboys don't really exist in her world.

She likes Nicholas Sparks and goes to watch The Longest Ride with a couple of her girlfriends.  She sees this scene showing the main characters' first date.


Eastwood's character walks up to a sorority house and strides in wearing hat, boots and jeans. He brings a bouquet of flowers, turning all the young women's heads.  At the end of the clip, they rush to the windows to see the couple off and one of them remarks, "I want a cowboy!"

Listen, it's a goofy scene.  But an important one for my purposes. 

Our average American woman has never met a cowboy.  But when she does--be he real or cinematic--I predict that strange things will begin to happen.  Synapses will fire in the reptilian brain, lighting the stage for desire.  For hubba-hubba.  For woo-woo. 

And why not? The American cowboy archetype embodies a spectrum of attractive qualities.  For example...
  1. Old-fashioned manners.  He will "yes, ma'am" your mom, and she's going to love it.  She is going to eat it up. You will forget how to operate doorknobs because every door will be opened for you the moment you approach it.
  2. Confidence.  Is he the only man in Silver Lake wearing a cowboy hat in an unironic way? Yes.  Does he look hotter than any of these d-bags or hipsters doing it for giggles?  Yes.
  3. Competence.  Can he change a tire? Are you kidding?  He can take apart this entire '87 Chevy Silverado and put it back together in one afternoon with nothing but a bowie knife and some elbow grease.
  4. Endurance.  He can stay up for seventy-two hours during calving season, operate heavy farm equipment, come home and hang those pictures for you, and still have gas in the tank to butter your biscuits until morning.  Just pour him one more cup of black coffee.  Thank you, darlin'. *wink*
  5. Earnestness.  Says what he means. Cows and bulls don't appreciate irony or deception, and neither does he. In fact, are you making fun of him? You city girls.  Always up to no good.
Oh, and I almost forgot.  It really doesn't hurt to look like this.

Image from Twitter.
For more of my thoughts on the cowboy archetype, take a look at this.  For a recommendation about hot cowboy reads, here's a post on Lorelei James and another on taking cowboys to the beach.  And if all you want to do is ogle sexy cowboys, boy, have I got a Pinterest page for you.