Cowboys. Yup.

February 5, 2013






So I was working on a cowboy erotica story this weekend and I liked doing it so much that I wrote a second one. I have heard tell that one of the last and only reasons that Europeans are jealous of Americans is that we invented the cowboy and they didn't.  In my opinion, this is a excellent reason to be jealous of us. 

I was born and raised in the inner city.  Listening to the country music station I have had to keep hearing about how country girls shake it better'n anyone and how redneck women don't need designer tags to look sexy and how honkytonk badonkadonks are the whole reason that Trace Adkins gets out of bed in the morning.  Listen, I am sure that country women are plenty sexy.  But for my part, the sexiest inhabitant of the country is the boy.


The archetypal cowboy is tall and rangy (like the range).  He's a man of few words, but when he speaks, it's pure poetry.  He doesn't smile too much, but when he does, there must be good reason to.  He works hard all week.  When he's young he's tireless; when he's older he's aching and broken but he sucks it up and doesn't complain.  He's good with horses, and dogs love him almost as much as women do.

The archetypal cowboy can do damn near anything.  He is the pinnacle of efficiency.  He has a magic pickup truck that has everything in it from a rifle to a horse doctorin' kit to a thermos full of hot coffee to a wool jacket to drape chivalrously over a cold woman's shoulders.  He will keep his head in life-threatening situations.  He was probably an Eagle Scout.  If someone needs to put his hands in a cow's birth canal and pull out a slimy blue calf, he's your man.  If someone needs to tell off your jagoff ex-husband, he can do it in half as many words and a single punch to the face.

Nothing strums the collective American clitoris (Emerson's transparent eyeball needs to stand the hell aside) like the vision of a cowboy riding on the range, self-possessed and powerful.

Cowboys are hell of fun to write.  The cowboy in my first story is a stripper who does house calls.  The cowboy in my second is a ranch hand who can't get an even break.  I know cowboy romance set on ranches is a wildly popular genre and it's not hard to see why.

I was tempted to close out this post with a link to Big and Rich's "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy," but in my opinion, that video did not feature enough shirtless, muscular cowboys.  So here's a picture of a rodeo rider's ass instead.  God bless America.